December 08


Monster in Law “Suave Says”

At times I look at Kathy Mejia and her exciting life unfolding on social media and I think, Wow I’d like to be her for a day! But I’m just me, trying to unpack from a move across the country, starting a small business, figuring out what’s for dinner and trying to walk my over zealous dog because my backyard is no longer fenced in. With these two lives colliding I barely find time to breath. As I look back and reflect I am grateful for the moments in my when life was simpler, and writing was my counselor. Through my trials and tribulations writing was my comforter. These days I am beyond blessed with my family’s new TV show on VH1 “Suave Says”, the opening of my new yoga studio and having my children back together under one roof. No complaints for I will not murmur when I have much to be grateful for! Therefore I have decided to take the time to ponder my thoughts and indulge my passion for writing by blogging after each episode. Thus keeping My 5150 Love alive.

If you watched the first episode you already know that 5150 is an appropriate name for my writings as it is a perfect name for my life! SO many issues were laid on the line in Episode One “Living la Vida Suave”! It’s too many to delve into at the moment. Questionable parenting, eating disorders, father/daughter and son relationships, pre marital sex and adultery…and not just Gerardo’s! This shocking bit of information may have come as surprise to many. That particular chapter is long and it is deep so thank goodness my lovely mother- in-law bared her vicious teeth to steal the thunder of this topic for the moment! Thank you Grandma Myrtha for taking the heat off me! By the way did you know Mother in law unscrambled is woman Hitler!!
Flashback to a time when Rico was soooo Suave! We had gone on a few dates and he eventually asked me over to his place. I was nervous. I remember thinking a bed was going to emerge from the wall with Satin sheets and strobe lighting. Rico Suave would faintly be playing in the background as I was finally faced with the decision of am I going to be good or am I going to fall into the Latin Lover’s hypnosis? To my surprise we pull up to a modest home in the suburbs and were welcomed by Papi, Brother, Sister, Niece, Cousins, and a couple abuelitas (grannies) all living under one roof. Gerardo lived at home!! Rico didn’t even have his own pad!! A sigh of relief came over me. I could maintain my good girl mage a little while longer. Then I saw her! (Friday the 13th music playing in the background …ch ch ch ah ah ah) There she stood like a gargoyle guarding her home, guarding her family and guarding her son, a warden who carried a ring of keys on her belt loop, a set of keys to the “Shrine of Suave”, Gerardo’s room where no woman dare go. Not even with the door open! She looked at me as if she could see my soul. I wish I had stopped at church and gone to confession prior to this date. I spent the night that evening…on the couch and I was awakened at 5 am to a vacuum and Myrtha telling me I needed to leave, that her son was very busy that day. I foggily got up and stumbled to my car. It was still dark outside. What on Earth just happened? Rico Suave? How about Mamma’s Boy! I didn’t run the other way though. I had never met anyone that I couldn’t win over. Little did I know I never I’d met my match.
20+ years later I am still that not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, bad mother, and horrible wife that I was branded with at our first meeting. It never got better. Maybe a few years of solace here and there when she realized I wasn’t going anywhere but nothing to write home about. I have a million stories but that would involve chapters. By the way there really is a book titled “How to Murder Your Mother in Law” and it is FICTION!
We find a way to coexist. I usually just put up with her snide remarks and the way she speaks Spanish in front of me when she doesn’t want me to understand her. I’ll complain to Gerardo and he just tells me that’s my mom, She doesn’t mean anything by it or better yet it’s a language barrier. I love when he tells me “Gorda” is a term of endearment when I hear it used in a sentence involving my name. I don’t think he will ever stand up for me when it involves his other family. What’s worse is my most recent fall from glory has only given her more ammunition. “Ju see Mijo. I was right about Katy. She is no good woman.”
There is something to be learned in every situation that we experience in our lives and this journey with my mother-in-law has taught me a valuable lesson. Later episodes will portray me as a meddling, over involved parent and I am in areas involving the heart. I am buddies with the men in my daughters’ lives and besties with the girls my son shows interest in. Granted Jaden is only 13 but it’s good practice for the future. I want them to love me. I want them to say, “Your mom is cool!” I want them to want me around…a lot! I love my children. I never want them to have to choose sides, I want them to be happy and most importantly I always want to be a significant part of their lives.
The moral to this story is…If you want your children to have peace and want to keep them close, you better start winning over that other person they decided to share their life with. Be the good guy, even if you don’t always agree with their choices. Because here’s the clincher…Mother-in-laws you will never win this battle! You will cause division in your family and lose precious time with your children when you alienate their significant other. Gerardo has never had a moment’s peace in that department. I won! I married your son! He chose me and continues to choose me through my good and my bad. It is a no win situation. So any possible future wife to Jaden, “Welcome to the family! You are going to love me because I will do everything in my power to win you over for one simple reason, I adore my son! I never want him stuck in the middle of some bizarre Freudian love triangle! I want to enjoy every possible precious moment of this life on Earth that I can near my children and their children. Maybe someday there will be a cease-fire between Mami and me but until that day comes, if it ever does, I will keep smiling and thanking God that not even this Mother in Law Monsoon can wipe us out!IMG_3880.JPG