Restoration “Suave Says”
On reflecting on this weeks episode one thing comes to mind, restoration. Relationships that have been broken, abandoned, taken for granted and to a certain degree destroyed can’t be completely restored in a 30 minute episode but what is important is that there is an initial effort. That is what the Episode entitled “Lazos Familiares” is all about. Lazos famiiares means a familiar knot. What happened in our home is that what became familiar, became complacent and complacency is a dangerous place to be in a relationship. When falling into molds of the characters we play in life, mother, father, sister and brother we often forget the ties or the “knots” that bind us together can become loosened or worse untied if we don’t take care of them. My marriage is a perfect example of this. When Gerardo and I “tied the knot” I think we opted more for flip flops when we should have tied on some combat boots! Deep sigh of relief we didn’t jump into that topic yet. I’m used to talking about Gerardo’s too many to count indiscretions. I’ve heard about them for a decade. Talking about my own fall from grace, now that is a different story. And for now I’m off the hook… again!
Life hardly ever turns out as we plan it. As parents we are potters, molding the clay of our children’s lives. Yes, they will grow and make their own decisions, some good, and some highly questionable. Even the perfect parent, if that does exist, will get thrown a curve ball from time to time when our children are faced with “free will”, but what happens when the rest of us, “not so perfect” parents have to deal with the repercussions of our mistakes as they play out on our children’s lives?
The ugly truth is that when parents go through trouble in their relationships sadly enough the children become pawns in the battle or worse yet, casualties of war. This was definitely the case in my marriage. I will say that when Gerardo told me about all the women during the first ten years of our marriage all I could think of was protecting my two little girls. I got up the next day, made them breakfast and whisked them off to school. Then I came home and screamed and yelled until I picked them up in the afternoon and put my happy face on. I never asked Gerardo to leave. I never ran home to my family. I went into survival mode for my children. I can’t say that is the best advice to give because years later I would see that chopping the tree down at the trunk and not dealing with the roots, would only come back and haunt me. The hurt and the pain, the rejection and the insecurities shoved out of sight, only allowed the roots to come up and strangle me later on in my life. Two years ago when the war broke loose in my home our children were slammed directly in the middle of it. Given far too much information, choosing sides, being poisoned against the other parent, my children were put through the ringer. Bianca left home, Nadia became angry. She would eventually develop an eating disorder and Jaden, my sweet child would have to man up and hold his mother up during the worst time of my life. These are things that today I still struggle with. Gerardo did the exact opposite of what I did when it came to protecting our children. He was so angry, hurt and full of pride that he made very bad decisions. Both of our decisions making has paved the way for a long road of recovery.
These days as you see our lives untangle in front of you that there is a lot of mending, repairing and healing going under our roof. Nadia resents me a lot for what I did. Our relationship has changed but we are slowly getting back to where we should be and hopefully growing stronger than before. Time does heal all pain. Gerardo and Jaden lost valuable years together. Gerardo was always so busy, so pre-occupied, and most of the time just not around that today he struggles to know what his son even likes or who he really is. Lucky for Gerardo Jaden has a heart of gold and only wants to mend their relationship. He does love his Daddy and his Mommy! Bianca left home and found shelter in her boyfriend and I still don’t know if we ever will get our Binky back. Well I guess she had to grow up sometime but I still appreciate long talks with my mom, hugs that last too long. and just that comforting feeling a child should have when they are with their parents no matter how old they are. But just having her home is enough for me for now.
Our family still has a lot of healing to do from the past, consequences of our decisions, and the punches and blows that everyday life brings. Restoration can only happen when problems are faced head on. The headlights are blaring as we are facing them in front of the world now. It’s not easy. Opening up our lives for all to see. Love us or hate us, all we can hope is that you learn from us and laugh with us. With love and patience, reconciliation will take place and restoration will follow. As my family walks along this road to grace, this journey of hope, and sometimes pathways to destruction, I ask you to join us not to judge us. Share with us this miracle of now! Live in the moment and laugh till you cry and never forget where there is hope there also lays restoration for a better tomorrow!